bornAfrican - The Convergence of Africana

On Marriage: Social Obligation or Not?

Posted August 30, 2007 · Charles O

My secondary school mate, Chijioke, argues on an entry in his blog that, essentially, marriage has become something of a social obligation, but laments that there is really no corresponding social expectation for couples to keep their marital vows, till death. As a comment to his entry, I posed three questions:

1. Is a society that insists on one man, one wife more desirable than one that OKs polygamy?
2. Is it more honorable for a man to formally marry a second wife than to cheat on his only wife?
3. Did nature intend for men to be polygamous? Is what is good for the goose good for the gander? Is female infidelity on par with male infidelity?

Following Chijioke’s responses, I posted the following answers to my own questions:

…

(I know some of my arguments might be politically incorrect, but I take the risk anyway).

1. The issue of the relative desirability of monogamy versus polygamy, I think, is one that is related to any given society’s values. It would appear that most of the world’s societies today lean towards monogamy. This might be rooted in the influence of religions (particularly Christianity), and economic realities. Again, this is an issue that related (mostly) to any given society’s value judgments….
2. Since our contemporary society espouses a one man, one wife marriage construct, we can all agree that the best-case scenario is for the man and his wife to live a life in total and absolute commitment to each other, literally till death do them part. We can all agree though that the reality is that more often than not, the man and the wife do not meet this standard (the state-of-affairs which I infer prompted your write-up in the first place). Compare these two societies: “olden days” Nigeria in which a man could openly and formally marry a second (or third) wife, and (attempt to) “love all equally” versus “modern day” America/UK (even Nigeria) where a man marries one wife and carries on a sexual affair with women outside. Who’s kidding who? While both scenarios are less desirable than the perfect one man, one wife construct, which is more offensive?
3. At the risk of coming across as sexist or chauvinist, it would almost appear that nature pushes the male human species towards polygamy, than not. The instinctive male imperative (and this is true with most animal species) is inarguable: euphemistically, to sow his wild oats as widely as possible. As previously agreed, the modern human male’s imperative is curtailed by the (effeminized) society’s dictate of one man, one wife… and also, importantly, by economic realities. On the issue of the parity of male and female infidelity, let me pose a question: on the pain of having a bullet put through your head, would you rather your father sleep with another woman or your mother sleep with another man?

I post this here to present the discussion to the bornAfrican audience for further discussion.

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